Horseback riding high in the mountains across meadows in the sunshine. The air is fresh; Life is new and thrilling.
Happiness, Beauty, Peace, Fulfillment.
Lightning strikes from nowhere, Thunder fills the air with its loud and rolling sound, Horse rears abrupt and high, startled. Control completely lost.
Fear, Darkness, Chaos, Confusion.
Falling, falling down, Thrown from the saddle with wrist caught in the reins, Fighting to get free as the horse bolts towards who knows where, over the roughest terrain. Realization of being dragged in the dirt and across a million rocks.
Terror, Pain, Desperation, Hopelessness.
I'm dying!
Suddenly it stops. I am free. Breathe... Yes. I am alive, at least enough. But rest; just breathe again and again. Pain intensifies all over... I must be broken in a thousand places, maybe bruised and bloody beyond recognition. I can only think of one thing. Only one thing in my mind. I hurt. I hurt.
Devastation, Brokenness, Silence, Emptiness.
What now?!? A much more difficult journey than I imagined. A very very long fight for a survival. Deep struggling and hard decisions that weigh so very much. Delicate breaks that could snap beyond repair, and partially-closed cuts that could rip open and spill what life-blood I have left.
How ever did this start out happy? A beautiful beginning? There was peace? And how in the world did I feel so fulfilled? How did all this change? It makes no sense. Did I do something terribly wrong? I thought I had the whole world beneath my feet - or I thought at least that I was standing on a piece of solid ground just my size. But it wasn't solid because it wasn't Christ.
Apparently nothing is certain but God and his promises. Otherwise I wouldn't be lying broken in the dirt. God help me! It was you who raised me to life and sang to me in the beginning. I know I keep falling. Sing to me once more.
Comfort me, Fix me, Heal me, Pick me up... again.
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